Like we didn't see this coming.

California Faces Worst Whooping Cough Epidemic in Half a Century, Six Babies Dead

California: Health officials have called for people of all ages, in particular people who might come into contact with young babies, to be vaccinated as whooping cough levels reach epidemic levels in the state with the worst months still to come.

To date six infants have died. All six victims were too young to be fully vaccinated. Officials say we need to vaccinate around vulnerable infants to protect them. Whooping cough, or pertussis, kills babies by literally suffocating them.

"We have noticed that to some degree [the epidemic pattern] matches counties where there is a higher percent of kids not immunized because of personal-belief exemptions," said Gilberto Chavez from the Infectious Disease Center at the Dept of Health.

AZ sunset

Sunsets in AZ are worth the heat....sometimes.

work wall

So, do you see an anus in this picture?

Perv.

Mugatu

Mugatu has a not so secret work affair going with my husband, whom she has never met. Everytime I attempt to take a picture for her to see this happens.

Or this

He's a Big Foot Gus! Gooney Goo Goo!

Buddy

This is Buddy. His drag name is Kiwi Fruity-Bits. He is a closet alcoholic and fears anal rape.

FeeBie

This is FeeBie. She is camera shy and quite evil. She sneaks up behind you and screams as she is clawing the back of you knee. See, evil!

sky July photos

It has been rainy but the clouds are awesome here!

old age

So, I am getting old. It took 2 days of shifting my glasses down my nose to read for me to realize....I need (tear) progressive bifocals. That's not right. I protest.

Truth in Advertising

Some men told marketers they were reluctant to use the nylon webbing sponges called “poufs,” which raise a lather but were off-putting because of their dainty name and appearance. In 2009 Old Spice introduced a pouf in a rubber grip and called it a Deck Scrubber.

“An experienced seaman (yeah baby...) knows the gentler sex is unlikely to board a vessel whose deck, galley and undercarriage has not been scrubbed as clean as the shiny inside part of an oyster shell,” states the package. (Axe introduced its own manly pouf, called the Detailer, in 2008.)

“It took a little time for guys to get over the pouf,” Mr. Moorhead said.

I was driving on Nimitz Blvd in San Diego when I found myself covered in Seaman. It was a magical time full of fun and frolicking on the beach.

Truth in Advertising

“Axe turns women into scent-sniffing bimbos and nymphomaniacs and is more about, ‘Use our product and it will enhance your sex appeal,’ ” said Mr. Frankel. “But Old Spice goes to your own character, and they’re really reaffirming masculinity.”

I am not a scent sniffing bimbo but I am a sword swallowing nymphomaniac. I need to change the Polish Sausage's product quick. I might go crazy and attack the high school next door.

Smile, you’re an asshole.

South Carolina (The Weekly Vice) - Jerry, a 37-year-old was arrested after he fired up a chain saw and chased two Clemson University students across a disc golf course.

But that was just the tip of the iceberg for our friend Jer.
Highlights:

Already facing a charge of aggravated assault and battery from May when he attempted to use a chainsaw on an Oconee County Sheriff's deputy.

Weeks after his release from jail:

· Roach grabbed the saw

· sent the two students running for their life.

· Rev’d up the chainsaw then he turned and gave chase.

· During a bond hearing on the new offense tried to intimidate the judge by standing over him, cursing and then finally picking up a desk and shoving it toward him.

A deputy dog pile ensued, allowing deputies to place Roach into a holding cell while the hearing resumed. (The mental I have on that is priceless…)

Smile, you’re an asshole.

South Carolina (The Weekly Vice) - Jerry, a 37-year-old was arrested after he fired up a chain saw and chased two Clemson University students across a disc golf course.

But that was just the tip of the iceberg for our friend Jer.
Highlights:

Already facing a charge of aggravated assault and battery from May when he attempted to use a chainsaw on an Oconee County Sheriff's deputy.

Weeks after his release from jail:

· Roach grabbed the saw

· sent the two students running for their life.

· Rev’d up the chainsaw then he turned and gave chase.

· During a bond hearing on the new offense tried to intimidate the judge by standing over him, cursing and then finally picking up a desk and shoving it toward him.

A deputy dog pile ensued, allowing deputies to place Roach into a holding cell while the hearing resumed. (The mental I have on that is priceless…)

Tweek much?

Tulsa, Oklahoma – (The Weekly Vice) Jesse, a 28-year-old Oklahoma man, was arrested Wednesday after a landlord/tenant dispute came to a head when he allegedly attempted to run his landlord over with his 1996 Ford Windstar.

Speechless....almost....come on. what street cred can you get in the joint for a Windstar?

Unabridged response to my current work initiative where my co-workers have to answer question and win fabulous prizes from around my garage.

Who would win in a fight? Stewie

Why Stewie you ask? That is a good question, but I think that Stewie’s advanced weaponry and elite ninja skills would be no match for Cartman.

Who would create the best ice sculpture? The Wonder Twins of a Dude with a Chainsaw

Hands down the dude with the chainsaw. And if the Wonder Twins did happen to create an ice sculpture better, the dude has a freaking chainsaw, and obviously knows how to use it!

What items would you take on your boat? Why?

What type of boat are we talking. I’ll assume that the scenario is this:

You have been stranded on a deserted island for 5 years. You have created enough rope by weaving your hair together to create a raft, and now you are ready to set sail. Over the years a few items have swept up on shore that you were able to salvage. Please pick from the following items.

Big Screen TV

A baby bottle

One blue shoe lace

An Amazon Kindle complete with Solar Charger

An old rusty tin can

Dead fish

A soggy pizza box

Sticks

A Styrofoam Cooler, a little sun rotted, but not bad.

A rubber chicken

A girls bicycle

An Umbrella

A plastic bag

A Baseball cap

And a scalpel

Now I have some sort of scenario to go off of, I think it would be quite obvious which Items I’d pick off the list.

First, the rusty tin can would be a must! Why the rusty tin can? Well, of course it was one of the first items to ever wash up on shore, and I have already named it, just like the movie Cast Away. Ole Tinny and I would have been through some good times and bad. And at first, I may not have treated him with the respect he so deserved. But thankfully I had had my tenuous shout only a few short weeks before my epic journey began, so I didn’t suffer from lockjaw and die, when we got into it. Ah, I remember it like yesterday, and although at the time it wasn’t funny, I can look back and laugh now. You see, I first spotted Tinny from my bungalow on the beach. I was sitting there, basking in the afternoon sun, waiting for a coconut to drop from a tree, when I spotted him. At first I didn’t think we would become such great friends because of the way he kept staring me down while he oscillated on the waves. Soon, he was on my beach. We sat there for hours staring at each other, and finally, I was the one that cracked. I walked over, and introduced myself. Tinny sat there staring at me. I could tell by the way he just sat there that he didn’t want to be bothered. So, I bid him farewell, and went back to my hut in the middle of the island. Now, I got to be honest with you, I was a little upset after our first encounter, and I may have went home feeling a bit dejected. That night, I had my usual dinner of coconut and fish, and then went to sleep early, still fuming about the exchange, or should I say lack thereof. The next day, I was feeling refreshed, and energized. I got up, adjusted my palm fronds so they covered all the right places, and headed down to the beach. I had almost forgotten about tinny, when I reached my bungalow, there he was. It didn’t look like he had moved much during the night. “What is he trying to do?” I wondered. Then I suddenly realized that he was attempting to take over my beach. My Beach! I was fuming, nay livid! I ran over there to give him a piece of my mind. I hurled every insult I could think of at him, and he sat unmoving. Some reaction would have been better than none, and his non-responsiveness, just fueled my anger. I finally threatened him with physical violence. He just sat and stared. Now, this next part, I’m pretty ashamed of, as I’m not generally prone to physical violence. I pulled my leg back, and in one kick, I sent him sailing further inland. Tinny landed closer to my bungalow, and I felt a new sensation. Pain shot up my leg. My foot had been cut open on that jagged still attached lid. I attempted to take a step toward him, as I wasn’t finished with the fight, but as soon as I put some weight on it, I instantly fell to the ground. Tinny had won our first, and only fight. I hobbled back inland to the little stream that ran through the island, cleaned my foot, and in a moment of clarity and pain, I realized that Tinny was mute, or deaf, but probably both. I was overcome with shame, and regret. What had I done to this, my only potential friend. I wrapped my foot up in a palm leaf, securing it with thin strips and hobbled back to the beach bungalow. With my head held in shame, I attempted to spell out my frustrations in the sand. I didn’t give Tinny a chance to respond, and I went back to the hut. I’m not sure if it was the pain, or the sudden storm that kept me up all night (I had slept through worse) but the next day, as I made my way out to the beach bungalow. What I saw there in that morning sun was amazing. Tinny had completely erased all words of apology, as if to say that our relationship could begin anew. From that day forward we have been friends ever since.

Second Item would be the baby bottle

And the third item would be the blue shoelace.

There is no interesting story behind either of those items

Did I win?

Reason to fear Clowns #45984558.2

Juarez, Mexico (The Weekly Vice) - Pedro , a 53-year-old Mexican street clown, was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly raped his 14-year-old stepdaughter.

She reportedly told investigators that Velazquez promised to buy her a cell phone in exchange for her silence.

Can you HEAR me now, beeoootcchh???!

funny

posted by ujagoff on Jul 8, 2010 at 07:29 AM

Mime line = best line ever.

I last struck a person in anger in 1984. It was a mime who was fake bongo drumming on the heads of me and my girlfriend behind our backs. When I noticed, I firmly requested he desist. Sarcastic miming followed. Then I communicated with my hands too. Thinking back, I never got in trouble and I guess it was because, well, who has never wanted to do that themselves? I could easily blame it on being young and stupid, but frankly, I'm not sure I could refrain from doing it again.

On a related note... A mime with a good lawyer could probably make a pretty good living.

I love blog comments.