Gross

12. Vajazzling (thanks, Anne! This list is writing itself!) For the uninitiated, this is something that Jennifer Love Hewitt is trying to make happen, much like how Gretchen in Mean Girls tried to make "fetch" happen. The site (yes, it's real) defines "vajazzling" as "Bedazzlin your lady parts with crystals" There is so much wrong with that sentence, and we won't even get into the lack of an apostrophe. First off, let's start with the use of the verb "Bedazzlin'". Does anyone else recall that the Bedazzler looked like a giant staple gun? Are you suggesting I staple crystals onto my labia, Vajazzler? Also, why specify crystals? What else would you suggest I use? Candy buttons? Old 42-cent stamps? And finally, I don't have a vajina, nor do I want it "jazzled." The whole process reads like misspelled stage directions from a bargain basement porno. http://volcanicensemble.blogspot.com/2010/03/30-things-not-to-do-before-im-30-part.html

See Sausage Boy, I am not the only one! I for one don't enjoy the thought of a disco ball in my crotch. Next thing you know, I'll attract men with back hair and shoot cocaine out of my nipples.

Wow, there's a thought. I would make a mint.