Thursday, July 15, 2010

Unabridged response to my current work initiative where my co-workers have to answer question and win fabulous prizes from around my garage.
Who would win in a fight? Stewie

Why Stewie you ask? That is a good question, but I think that Stewie’s advanced weaponry and elite ninja skills would be no match for Cartman.

Who would create the best ice sculpture? The Wonder Twins of a Dude with a Chainsaw

Hands down the dude with the chainsaw. And if the Wonder Twins did happen to create an ice sculpture better, the dude has a freaking chainsaw, and obviously knows how to use it!

What items would you take on your boat? Why?

What type of boat are we talking. I’ll assume that the scenario is this:

You have been stranded on a deserted island for 5 years. You have created enough rope by weaving your hair together to create a raft, and now you are ready to set sail. Over the years a few items have swept up on shore that you were able to salvage. Please pick from the following items.

Big Screen TV

A baby bottle

One blue shoe lace

An Amazon Kindle complete with Solar Charger

An old rusty tin can

Dead fish

A soggy pizza box

Sticks

A Styrofoam Cooler, a little sun rotted, but not bad.

A rubber chicken

A girls bicycle

An Umbrella

A plastic bag

A Baseball cap

And a scalpel

Now I have some sort of scenario to go off of, I think it would be quite obvious which Items I’d pick off the list.

First, the rusty tin can would be a must! Why the rusty tin can? Well, of course it was one of the first items to ever wash up on shore, and I have already named it, just like the movie Cast Away. Ole Tinny and I would have been through some good times and bad. And at first, I may not have treated him with the respect he so deserved. But thankfully I had had my tenuous shout only a few short weeks before my epic journey began, so I didn’t suffer from lockjaw and die, when we got into it. Ah, I remember it like yesterday, and although at the time it wasn’t funny, I can look back and laugh now. You see, I first spotted Tinny from my bungalow on the beach. I was sitting there, basking in the afternoon sun, waiting for a coconut to drop from a tree, when I spotted him. At first I didn’t think we would become such great friends because of the way he kept staring me down while he oscillated on the waves. Soon, he was on my beach. We sat there for hours staring at each other, and finally, I was the one that cracked. I walked over, and introduced myself. Tinny sat there staring at me. I could tell by the way he just sat there that he didn’t want to be bothered. So, I bid him farewell, and went back to my hut in the middle of the island. Now, I got to be honest with you, I was a little upset after our first encounter, and I may have went home feeling a bit dejected. That night, I had my usual dinner of coconut and fish, and then went to sleep early, still fuming about the exchange, or should I say lack thereof. The next day, I was feeling refreshed, and energized. I got up, adjusted my palm fronds so they covered all the right places, and headed down to the beach. I had almost forgotten about tinny, when I reached my bungalow, there he was. It didn’t look like he had moved much during the night. “What is he trying to do?” I wondered. Then I suddenly realized that he was attempting to take over my beach. My Beach! I was fuming, nay livid! I ran over there to give him a piece of my mind. I hurled every insult I could think of at him, and he sat unmoving. Some reaction would have been better than none, and his non-responsiveness, just fueled my anger. I finally threatened him with physical violence. He just sat and stared. Now, this next part, I’m pretty ashamed of, as I’m not generally prone to physical violence. I pulled my leg back, and in one kick, I sent him sailing further inland. Tinny landed closer to my bungalow, and I felt a new sensation. Pain shot up my leg. My foot had been cut open on that jagged still attached lid. I attempted to take a step toward him, as I wasn’t finished with the fight, but as soon as I put some weight on it, I instantly fell to the ground. Tinny had won our first, and only fight. I hobbled back inland to the little stream that ran through the island, cleaned my foot, and in a moment of clarity and pain, I realized that Tinny was mute, or deaf, but probably both. I was overcome with shame, and regret. What had I done to this, my only potential friend. I wrapped my foot up in a palm leaf, securing it with thin strips and hobbled back to the beach bungalow. With my head held in shame, I attempted to spell out my frustrations in the sand. I didn’t give Tinny a chance to respond, and I went back to the hut. I’m not sure if it was the pain, or the sudden storm that kept me up all night (I had slept through worse) but the next day, as I made my way out to the beach bungalow. What I saw there in that morning sun was amazing. Tinny had completely erased all words of apology, as if to say that our relationship could begin anew. From that day forward we have been friends ever since.

Second Item would be the baby bottle

And the third item would be the blue shoelace.

There is no interesting story behind either of those items

Did I win?

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